Dear Reader

Wanna know my hobby? Like a peg-legged explorer i’ve meticulously scoured the globe for unheard words that if widely known would surely stop the universe in its tracks, shift brainwaves and create tsunamis of the third eye. Please dig on “One Liners Volume I.” These diamonds in the rough shall cut through the plate glass of your mind sending shards into spheres into shards again into spheres and once more into shards. Do enjoy, don’t destroy.

yours in vital signs,



-> ONE LINERS VOLUME I <- howsabout your crap in our cradle? - the Bleeding Heart Babysitters Club Your sorrow is our tomorrow. -Sycamore Cemetery Spokesperson Smith God dammit! - Satan Sandpaper pants don't make for a good lapdance. -Cherry la Chafe (employee of the month at Chesthers Gentleman's Lounge. bring in this quote book for free 4 piece hotwings) i make my marks spinnin' and winnin' -knob gangster (a gold toothed gem in the land of plenty) my divining rod seeks your spouting fountainhead. -porn star Jack Stab I'm so tired of hanging my ego. Maybe i should hang my cat. -the artist I don't care about your blog, show me your boobs. -the collective male consciousness of an internet cafe i'm tired of your ego and indifference. -said the man (to the vastly more confident woman he wished was his lady). i get all my best ideas when i'm sstoned but then i can't wrtie them down bcause im too stonef -Washington Cleaverton Monrose (1864) Life is good until you poop out of your peehole. -Professor Partridge McSwee (1944) Start speed reading slow stories...stop. -Coach Jack McGinley (Minneapolis, USA) Populace! trade in your bullshit for licks of bullwhips. -Brown Brown (found around downtown) My brightest moment in dinner theatre was obviously "Orange You Glad I didn't Say Banana: a series of short sentences by a tall guy." It kept the audiences rolling. Atlantic City is my nostalgic heart's hard-on. -Seymour Sputnik it's not what you know it's what you know you wish you knew. ('s how you wish you knew what?) -Psychic Hotline circular creeping towards romance like a caterpillar on a hundred fuzzy crutches. this is my fixation on hot nights -the lonely one in 36A ============================ the (((unknown))) The mutterers of the following remarkable quotes have been lost to the rip tide of history. honor these unknown sages with a buttock tattoo or two. >>>

i’ve opted out of all my options in favor of a life of pop stardom

she stood in denim pants, knees bent. he snapped his fingers and we all felt good.

the sun is a moon in waiting.

music mourns its demise. love settles in uprise.

i’ve always avoided field days due to my terrible fear of three legged racists.

the sighs keep us deflated enough to slip through the cracks.

my fave past time is pasting lullabies to electric signs.

I’m hoping to be reincarnated as a decent human being. your patience is appreciated. Arigato!

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